just to start this out: I do not now nor have I ever had an eating disorder.
(first pic I am hunching forward, it hides my ribs better. Second picture I am standing as I normally would.)
Yet people keep making me feel like my body is abnormal and gross and that something is wrong with it.
I’m tired of having doctors think my weight is too low, I’m tired of them looking at my chart and realizing I haven’t grown or gained weight in almost a decade now, and continually hinting that I should eat more, that it’s “okay to snack” (no way! Thank you for letting me know I can snack! *eye roll*), all that kind of stuff. I’m tired of those comments. I’m tired of people asking me if I eat.
I’m tired of having my bones poke out and having people think there is something wrong with me. I’m tired of avoiding bikinis because I don’t want my bones to stick out. I’m tired of having to hide my body because I’m afraid of people thinking I’m sick. I’m not.
It’s so hard to love my body when everyone keeps telling me I look sick or like I have been starving myself, when people tell me to eat more, all this. It’s hard to love my body for what it is. I’m tired of crying over being bony, I’m tired of the anxiety I feel about doctors visits, because I know they’ll treat me like I am not normal.
I’ve been trying since sophomore year of high school to gain weight, I just want to cover my bones. But my body just isn’t up for that, not when I ate fast food three times a week with no exercise, nor when I eat healthy and try to work out.
This is just how my body is. This is my body when it is healthy. Why can’t my body be a good body?
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